Some of the Best Status Updates

Funny Status Messages

  1. If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one!
  2. I am stranded on toilet island
  3. There's this lost cause I believe is called myself
  4. Math and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and drive
  5. I'm right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 3%?
  6. Why do people use away messages, they're so stupid!
  7. I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
  8. Smart people like me don't use away messages... I am so smart!
  9. I'll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib!
  10. I wish I were you so I could be friends with me.

Life Status Messages

  1. Smile, because it's easier than explaining why you're so sad
  2. Everthing will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end
  3. Don't let the past create the future, let the future erase the past
  4. A wise man once said, "To be old and wise, first you have to be young and stupid"
  5. No one dies a virgin... life screws us all!
  6. Growing old is manditory...but growing up...well that my friends...is OPTIONAL!
  7. The purpose of life is a life of purpose
  8. I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
  9. Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up
  10. Everyone plans for tommorow, but tommorow is promised to no one

Love status messages

  1. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened
  2. The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen, nor touched but are felt in the heart
  3. It's ok to kiss a fool. It's ok to let a fool kiss you. But never let a kiss fool you.
  4. If you're going my way, I'll walk with you
  5. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world
  6. What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
  7. Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without
  8. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
  9. No man is worth your tears and the only one who is will never make you cry
  10. You don't have to love in words, even through the silences love is always heard

Sleep Status Messages

  1. Less talk, more sleep
  2. 4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep
  3. Shhh... I've got insomnia and I'm trying to sleep it off
  4. I can't sleep because I'm depressed but I'm depressed beacause I can't sleep
  5. Sleep (n) : the natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored
  6. The cow goes moo, the sheep goes baaa, the duck goes quack, and I go Zzzzzzzzz
  7. I'm spending some quality time with my pillow
  8. The Transitive Property of Sleep: Me = Human ; Human = Sleep ; Me = Sleep
  9. I am always confused when people ask me did you sleep good? I always wonder if they want me to say no, I made a few mistakes
  10. Now I lay down in my bed, I pray the Lord protect my head. For if out of my bed I fell, My head would hurt and start to swell.

Insulting Status Messages

  1. I'm not here right now because I'm waiting for you to get offline
  2. I'm obviously doing something more important than you
  3. I obviously don't want to talk to you right now, so leave a message and I'll be sure to ignore it
  4. All the idiots of the world have surronded one computer... yours
  5. Listen, if I wanted to talk to you, I would be here wouldn't I?
  6. The Village called and said they were looking for you. They're missing their idiot
  7. I like long walks especially when they're taken by people like you
  8. Oh dear! Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!
  9. I'm bored, your boring, so don't leave a message
  10. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege