Some of the Best Status Updates
Funny Status Messages
If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one!
I am stranded on toilet island
There's this lost cause I believe is called myself
Math and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and drive
I'm right 90% of the time, so why worry about the other 3%?
Why do people use away messages, they're so stupid!
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!
Smart people like me don't use away messages... I am so smart!
I'll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib!
I wish I were you so I could be friends with me.
Life Status Messages
Smile, because it's easier than explaining why you're so sad
Everthing will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end
Don't let the past create the future, let the future erase the past
A wise man once said, "To be old and wise, first you have to be young and stupid"
No one dies a virgin... life screws us all!
Growing old is manditory...but growing up...well that my friends...is OPTIONAL!
The purpose of life is a life of purpose
I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it
Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up
Everyone plans for tommorow, but tommorow is promised to no one
Love status messages
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened
The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen, nor touched but are felt in the heart
It's ok to kiss a fool. It's ok to let a fool kiss you. But never let a kiss fool you.
If you're going my way, I'll walk with you
To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
No man is worth your tears and the only one who is will never make you cry
You don't have to love in words, even through the silences love is always heard
Sleep Status Messages
Less talk, more sleep
4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep
Shhh... I've got insomnia and I'm trying to sleep it off
I can't sleep because I'm depressed but I'm depressed beacause I can't sleep
Sleep (n) : the natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored
The cow goes moo, the sheep goes baaa, the duck goes quack, and I go Zzzzzzzzz
I'm spending some quality time with my pillow
The Transitive Property of Sleep: Me = Human ; Human = Sleep ; Me = Sleep
I am always confused when people ask me did you sleep good? I always wonder if they want me to say no, I made a few mistakes
Now I lay down in my bed, I pray the Lord protect my head. For if out of my bed I fell, My head would hurt and start to swell.
Insulting Status Messages
I'm not here right now because I'm waiting for you to get offline
I'm obviously doing something more important than you
I obviously don't want to talk to you right now, so leave a message and I'll be sure to ignore it
All the idiots of the world have surronded one computer... yours
Listen, if I wanted to talk to you, I would be here wouldn't I?
The Village called and said they were looking for you. They're missing their idiot
I like long walks especially when they're taken by people like you
Oh dear! Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!
I'm bored, your boring, so don't leave a message
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege
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